Wednesday, June 19, 2013

(Real) A stint at erotic writing - Part 1

It was the time when i was having my 12th standard vacations. Out of continous study sessions for getting good grades , i had grown hefty. The vacations were totally free as in one does not have to do anything untill the results arrive. I used to jog , swim and gym like crazy followed by roaming aimlessly at nights.

But even good things get boring after a while. I was tired of the routine and so decided to take a break and go to mumbai at my cousin's place. My cousin stays in Colaba. The area is quite youngster-centered-oomph-factored if you get what i mean.

My cousin is 3 years elder to me and so he was in 3rd year of his engineering. Being a typical mumbaikar + typical classy tapori and all harley davidson attitude , he had quite a lot of girls
around him. I used to mingle with them upto my best but the age difference of 3 years + i was still a teenager , did not allow
me to get into their dark conversations. Similar was the case with priya. She was girl who use to spend time with us and a fresh Junior college passout , equivalent to a 12th standard passout in gujarat.

Having done with the junior college , she looked quite desperate on the basis of her talks and a bit of dressing.

All crazy for bikes , all ummmhhhh for john abraham and all craving attitude for road trips and yes "Muje life 
me sab kuch ek baar try toh karna hi hai. SAB KUCH". 
The tone with which she used to say "SAB KUCH" , builds a san diego live gangbanging in 3D in your mind !

She was left high and dry due to such wannabe attitude by most of the people , even her didi (Didi was her father's
friend's daughter). She had come to mumbai from Pune for some coursework but i had vibes of some other kind from her.

We all (Me,my cousin , didi , priya , my cousin's friend and his girlfriend) used to hangout with 1 or 2 always  missing the hangouts. All of them were smokers and so i used to get bored sometimes because i had nothing to do. Slowly the smoking session seemed beneficial to me , because in that time I and priya used to chat about all  wierdo things possible.

It was around 10 days and we were quite close.All those 24 hour togetherness through SMS , phone , regular meets and all.Everyone around us knew the two bachas were mingling and they even used to tease us. I used to like those meeting sessions near BT because it was quite a greenish area with all college groups sitting and smoking but you can't see any of the faces as trees used to make it quite dark. Upar se , priya used to be a slutish while talking to me in that time.

Once me and my cousin were drinking late night when he suddenly asked me about priya. I explained the thingy but tried to move the point away.He kind of got all brother-love and told me that
the lady was really interested in getting laid and he can set up a scene for us. I kind of opposed but internally i also had that popeye feeling pumping down there.

As advised by him , I started flirting on phone and meet-ups as much as i could. I remember , she once even gave me a push on my tool on me cracking a joke. We both let it go as if nothing happened
but we both ultimately knew the intentions.

A bit of phone sex started to happen triggered by her but fired by me.Phone sex followed touch-ups at BT , the place where we all met to which none of the other people had problems.
Their support was acting quite positively for me. Once i even took her for a small ride on which there was MINUS 5 cm space between my back and her front.Such close gives a hard on man , a real one !

Next 3-4 days and we used to like bunch up hands secretly near BT and light kisses when all attentions were somewhere else.

Finally the D-day arrived.It was all planned up.\

Me and my cousin had to go to didi's house as she had her parents going to lonawala for the weekend. My cousin's friend and his girlfriend also were invited. My cousin explained me the whole thing that all would be drinking and getting high.
The couple would leave after an hour of partying after which there would be only 4 of us left. My cousin and didi would leave for a walk and would come back after an hour in which i had to ride the dragon ;)

I came to know that didi had explained her properly too and she was also quite aware of the plan. On previous night(friday night) she was excited as hell as she kept on asking me what do you want me to wear in the party and my favourite colour and I want you shaved and stuff.

And it was saturday night.

We reached at her flat around 9.30pm with a bottle of scotch. The couple arrived around 10.15pm and we all six were on the round wooden table by 10.30pm.Priya had a tight orange coloured jeans which made her lower look hot as hell. The upper was a tight black inner with loose strings and a transparent top on it.The inner was easily visible to due the lacyness of the upper tranparent top. I had told her not to have make-up because its a really turn down 
for me!

She was quite catchy and bubbly that night which made me roar internally like Modi on the day of becoming PM
(Okay that was bad but you can understand ne). I was casually dressed with dark biege cotton pants and a nice eagle tshirt which is easily removable ;).

Drinks started to pour in.Everyone had a shot of whisky initially after which dilution and smoke accompanied.
I had only a shot and 60 ml peg because excessive drinking would spoil me fun later on. Priya just had a shot but she was already tipsy.Had some tikkas and Kebabs and played bridge amongst us.

It was 11.30 and the couple left.Now we were only four.I and priya were already on the couch watching TV. She laid straight with her head in my lap and small airky quirky kisses already had begun.

12 it was and my cousin and didi decided to give us some space.
They went off and locked the flat from outside but i made it double sure by locking it inside.

Just as I was locking the door from inside , desperation knew no bounds. Priya came in from back and started kissing me near the door itself.

It started with she kissing on my neck to which i responded back on her neck.Her hand started moving all over my hair and pressing my head on her neck with good force. I slowly moved from neck to the jawline area nearer to the ear with my upper lip above the jawline and lower lip below the jawline , sucking the thing like anything. Again to neck and then i revolved in that area.
It was her turn now and she came to cheeks and chin.I was perfectly shaved and so was feeing her toungue all over 
my cheeks that already had given me a hard-on.

We both knew that now is the time and the moment went perfect.
I slightly bend my face right and planted a smooth kiss on her lips.
2 seconds and my upper , her upper , my lower and her lower lips were completely in sync.

Went on mad till i guess 2.5-3 minutes and then i got her tongue in my mouth. That was orgasmic dude that was orgasmic. My tiger was roaring like the king of Gir trapped in a circus to get out.

I stopped for a moment and pointed towards the bedroom.
She smiled but again started smooching madly.Eventually i picked her in my arms and went to bedroom while the smooch was in continuous motion.

Laid her on bed and the room was already chilled due to pre-cooling.Got onto her and started kissing her on her neck
but on the lower side. My right hand already pulled her tranparent thing out and she was only in that black inner with oozing cleavge.
I started kissing on the bulge coming out of the slip.she was quite excited and pulled off my tshirt.

I moved to the side and she immediately came up on me.Started with a french kiss and she moved to my side-neck area.
She had placed herself perfectly in between the bulge in my pants.
While she was kissing i dimmed the lights and slowly pulled her slip up.she responded to it by moving up and comfotable removing it.I immediately unclipped the cups too orelse it would have taken other 15 minutes.

Her tits were really good and soft with pink nipples and perfect shape.The session which we had near the door had made her a bit sweaty and the AC made the sweaty skin , cold. The titskin was cool , bit sweaty and suckable as hell.I could not control myself and so pulled her down with force and started in crackline betweens the boobs. Slowly went on towards the right nipple and started the process.

Sucked it like a baby for 20 seconds, all soft and spongy after which i sucked a whole lot of part into my mouth.
Woobled my toungue in a circular manner around the nipple while sometimes biting the nipple slowly.

She was already on cloud 9.At times , she used to loose control and pinch my hairs really hard.I then sucked nipples bluntly so that she understands that this was her punishment. After vigourously batting with balls , i again moved to lips while we lay side ways !

I was on the left and she was on the right on the bed with respect to your imagination.

So my right hand was in the direction of action and it moved towards her orange cloth. She was wearing a beautiful belt and it was quite good because the leather was so easy to un-buckle it.
Pulled her belt out and threw it somewhere.Unbuttoned , unzipped her and tunnelled my hand inside.

Started heavy massage over her underpants but it was a bit sticky because she was wet like niagra falls !Slipped my hand inside her panties now.During this whole process , upper body was still busy in smooches and kisses.She was shaved , completely shaved.I guess she wanted it perfect so she was shaved quite good.

Before fingering , i massaged the heavenly area again the way i did it from the top of her undies.

In the process , she bit me on my lips which hurt me due to which i pulled out my hand from down and buckled her hairs
and gave her a tight love bite on back of her earlobe.The atmosphere was heated up like mentos in coca cola ! Bursting !

Again started my ride in heaven , and started a vertical movement of first finger. My first finger moved slow and vertical in the area which is just above the lovehole.I used to slide the finger from
top till the lovehole but didn't enter it.

This teased her like anything.Slowly started the combination of
massage and vertical sliding with both soft and violent combinations. The math can be :
2 sec - soft sliding
3 sec - violent massage
3 sec - rigorous 4 finger movements
2 sec - soft massage
3 sec - violent sliding

She started flowing like floods in utrakhand due to which my right hand was very slippery.

I slowly inserted the middle finger.On the first point , she gathered her legs pointing to the pain and her face  showed the same due to the formation of lines on her forehead with eyebrows towards each other.

I stopped there and made some vibratory movements at that very place for her comfort. Again pushed it a bit inside but she told me to go slow as it was causing her a bit more pain.
The tightness signalled her first time experience for sure.I stopped at that point and did not go further but started
a IN-OUT motion of my finger uptill the point which i had conquered.

Now it was a medium paced sliding motion from the top clitorial part to the point of conquer.
This foreplay took a lot of time but was worth the satisfaction.

She was so much excited and turned on that she caught my hand , pulled in on side and came a bit down from her 
current position. Unbuttoned my pants and unzipped with utmost power she had.My trouser being quite free , she pulled the whole thing down. I helped her to take them completely off.
She did not have the courage to take off my she mounted it in that position. I had already loosened her orange piece to a free position on her hips.

I slided the cloth to her knees through my legs .Got up for a moment just to rip is off through her legs.

She was in a beautiful cotton pink underpants.The shape covered most of her love and hip area but in a arousing manner.
She lay straight with her eyes closed and i came onto her.
She spread her legs to adjust the burj khalifa in between.
I took both of her hands and handled them with all my fingers into the spaces between her fingers one by one.
Those mallu porn kind of hand to hand touches.
Started kissing again all over from lips to neck to cheeks and surrounding area while moving the lower part up and front.

She changed the side and came over me. I slowly massaged her back and went inside through back.Lowered the undies in a circumferential manner. She knew my intentions and so helped me slide it.I pulled them out through my legs somewhere in the room.
She inserted her hand inside me and caught the burning metal rod.After gripping it , she looked at me with a scared look as if she knew what it would take her to get that in.
Moved her hand back and forth for a while and slided onto my balls. That was a tinglish feeling and it was the hardest i went in life.She slided my undies to knees after which i 
pulled them off.

I turned the position and I was onto her with the rod laying on the upper area in between the clitoris.
I ploughed the field for sometime with slow tractor speed after which i moved down.
Bite her thighs for two times on right and moved to pink area.
Parted the clitoral part with my fingers to see pink shining strawberry field.
Started moving my tongue in the same manner in which i slided my finger before.
I used to push my tongue as hard as i could into the hole which made her moaning start.
after sliding for a while , i sucked the whole part which made her go crazy. Started a combination of fingering and licking the clitoris as fast as i could which made wild.
She pulled me up and out of excitement , herself went down.

Took my tip in hand and started her tongue movement over the tip.
I was on the seventh heaven and i applied some pressure on her head.She understood and went a bit deep.
I did not demand more because i did not wanted to spoil the scenario.The tightness caused me to grab her and lay her on bed.I spread the legs as wide as i could and put a pillow
under her hip for a proper support.

Since it was the first time for both of us , i did not want the latex to spoil the fun and she was okay with it too.
Took my muscle in my hand and positioned it near to labia.
Moved the tool over the whole area with my hand and it made her angry as bachchan. Lastly positioned the tip towards the lovehole and gave a push.

It was too much greasy and so the rod slipped to right in this attempt.This also happened for the second time ,  after which i holded her legs and gave a push.
30% went in and there she was oaaauummhhhh to which i put a hand on her mouth.
She was in pain , i knew but then i gave another good push to get totally inside.
I stayed in that positioned for 10 seconds and she was the towards normal but had small tears in her eyes.
I confirmed the comfort and started to apply strokes.

The ghisara was out of the world.We smooched and the lower part was pumping hard to which she also supportedby readily moving in sync with pushes.
I changed the style and made a SINE wave kind of pushes which enhances the pleasure because the danda goes from
tip to bottom in this style.She was moaning like a david guetta fan in a concert.
She gestured me to push as hard as i could to maximize the pleasure.

Just as i started to push upto my limits , i got a slap from my dad "Ab nai utha toh paani ki puri baalti daalonga".

And i smiled to my fullest !

Friday, May 31, 2013

(Real) The guy named Avinash at Dadar

There are incidents in life which cannot be erased from the memory even if you soak the brain in h2so4.

I am always inclined towards open options theory. I always try to keep not one , but two to three good back ups in every possible task. This line of thought made me appear for Ph-test.

Elitmus is a really good firm providing HR solutions to reputed clients in software space. Before you can use their service , it is necessary to score a good percentile in their PH-test.

It was on 17th April that i had to appear for Ph-Test in Mumbai.
My center was located inside a govt school near Kings Circle.

So i caught a train on 16th night from ahmedabad which according to my calculation would drop me at borivalli at 5.30am.
The calculation seemed almost perfect and I headed to my Masi's home in borivalli near Bhakti complex.

Freshned up , had a coffee and checked all documents and stationery items (I googled the word stationery because i get very confused in the two spellings) for the exam because it was a paper-pencil test.I left for Borivalli station again to catch a local to get to kings circle , as my masa told it would take around an hour to reach there.

I have the habit of confirming the same thing again and again , not because i doubt a particular answer , but same repeatitive answer gets fit into your memory well. So i asked a lot of people regarding where to change the train and whether to pick fast or slow and routes etc.

In this whole process of coming down to mumbai from ahmedabad , i did not have water anywhere in between , not even at home.

After i gripped a local from borivalli at 8.00am , it was all smooth. Being a sunday , there were very few passengers on train and the soft breeze left me cool and calm. I went so calm and out of my mind that I decided to get off the train and buy a bisleri from the saamnewala store and get back to the train because there was no rush.I was so out of mind that i left my backpack on the train itself.
I got off the train and headed to buy some water.He demanded 20 rupees to which i had only 100 rs note.

Bisleri guy       : Bhaiya chutte do
Me                   : Boss nai hai , thoda jaldi karona
Bisleri guy       : bas 2 minute
Me                   : Boss 50 kaat lo lekin jaldi karo.

And the train left !

The pick up speed of locals is like anything. I started running towards the door , but it went so fast that i could not get on.
The train went off and I was BLANK. My backpack had flew to vegas !

I was not able to think for few seconds as to what should i do , but then i boomfoot and caught a nearby person aged 35. Told him the whole scenario and he told me to catch next train. On the contrary , i was thinking to inform the station police to get that backpack from the next stop.I already wasted around 3-4 minutes in the process and I kept calm and decided to board the next train.

The difference between the two trains was around 10 minutes but the only way i could catch my train was at Dadar. 

After reaching Dadar , I saw the train besides mine but my luck was utterly butterly gutter that time. There was a huge spiky partition between the two platforms. For a moment I thought of jumping it but then it would risk my lund for life. I ran through the overbridge only to find that the train left. Remember , the pick up speed of the train !

It was such a moment that if i had that dragon mouth , i would have fired flames all over dadar out of frustration.

A lot of thoughts were going on in my mind at that time and it was already 9.00am.

I sat there on the railway Baakda and had pulpy orange. Then I headed to find the police arena at dadar. I had to cross the platforms to reach the police control room and so i again started walking , but slowly because I had lost hope. I reached the room and met a 40-42 aged policewala. I naratted the whole experience and in the mean time , my cell rang !

It was an unknown number and my inner concious was expecting it.
A guy in a huff voice started slow screaming as "Miteshji".

Did you know what i replied : Haa bhaiya aap kaha ho , me bas 2 min me aaya bag lene !

Luckily he was on platform where the original train was. I ran again through the overbridge to get there. He(Avinash) shouted on me like anything and handed me all the stuff. I was so much relieved that I holded his hand for like 20-30 seconds straight.

Avinash was the same guy who was sitting opposite to me in local , and I had once asked him the route to kings circle. See , the habit of confirming played its part. He immediately left because he lost a lot of time waiting for me.

Left for kings circle in a taxi from there , to hell with trains !




P.S - that backpack contained my results from 1 to 12th standard , my graduation marksheets , my robotics winner certificates ,
my other winning certificates , my sports certificates and my laptop.
I know , i know , I completely know what you are thinking ! Amen !

Friday, May 24, 2013

(Real) Summers in Gandhinagar

If you have a camera phone , and if you have a spacious memory card , you must keep all the photos clicked since the time you buy the phone. I prefer that thing. Because in free lazy time , when you grill through those photos from the beginning , you can actually 
visualize how your time passed in the last whole year or 2 , what the case may be.

I was just passing through some pics of my last summer in gandhinagar.This post is specifically meant to describe the daily rakhorofy we used carry out because i am very much into that mood right now. I hope you are able to get that mood. Love.

The good characters include : 

Mr. Karan Mahant - He is one the most spontaneous people i have ever met in my life.At one moment you would find him talking about his exchanges with chicago negros and at other moment he would be smoking and talking some parallel universe  shit.
Mr. Arjun Mahant - Its difficult to get a direction to get him hooked on that topic except football. Even football has a limited amount to his attention.Talks about ultra high society and has in-line thoughts too.
Mr Mitesh J Dave - Eats , sleeps and roams like a zombie.Makes wierd of the wierdest plans which can be executed only after 2am.All people considers him a sort of geek because of solution providing nature of him.Amen!

The day starts somewhere between 11.30am to 1.30pm.Lets take the base at 11.30am. Usually karan wakes up the earliest amongst us and we're asleep.He has his pre-brush smoke and we're asleep.
He gets ready and we're asleep.He kicks our tummy and we're still asleep and then when he thinks of hitting our tools to wake us up , we get an intuition that we should wake up.

However late anybody is , breakfast is breakfast. Breakfast at around 3-4pm after everyone is wide awake.The time between 4 to 6.30 varies in the activities of gym or basketball or counterstrike or snooker or PS3 or jogging or cooking or surfing or swimming.
We share some beers from 6.45 to 8pm proceeding for dinner. Eat a little of it , while making plans for midnight food preparations.

Now the good time starts.

We move out of the place for an hour towards gandhi mandir road or infocity. Spending an hour over some cool chocolate shake or lassi at trupti , its almost 11pm out there. Samir , akash and other people starts pouring in from each and every sector and car goes to 160kmhr over a free way with pump music blowing minds.People sync in the voice like anything on every beat.Sometimes i wish if such enthusiasm is shown on some good start-up , it would reach heights.

We head on to terrace which is a 3 layered terrace.Some or the other person has some alcohol with him because we fund a lot for it. Just like buying gold you know ! Drinks pour in from 12 to 1 am while some guys play FIFA while some are with their girls on facebook. Around 1.30am all of them except the one with girls , come up to terrace and friends shift to the middle terrace.
Some or the other guys shells out a thick spliff and everyone gets in buzzy mood after 2am.The guys with girlies come up too.
Random talks ranging from arab girls to stategy mother teresa used to help people , from india's mausi mentality to silicon
valley studs , from how do crocodiles have sex to lets record a song and youtube it!

Crazy ideas flows for an hour after which people move onto the topmost terrace while 1 or 2 are already dead. More buzz at more heights. One or the other start dancing accompanied by singing and last smokes of the day. Around 4am , there are only heroes left with somewhat energy who goes down to kitchen to have some delicacies saved during dinner. But toungue wants more than saved.We make the best of the bhurjis , best of the sandwiches and best of the milkshakes uptill 4.30-4.45am.
Grab them and get into a medium level energy mood clicking some random photos in which one guy slacks off  the other guys chaddi and vice versa.

We head on to the 16 degree chilled bedroom where its again FIFA while other guys edit the photos with round big bumps and upload them on facebook. Fun.

I know this is a common schedule of many amongst you but executing this on a garden facing bunglow with zero risk with friends all over the globe accompanying us, is altogether different experience.We have friends from various different places who mingle their own ideas and games when all are trippy.

The days ends around 5-5.30am. 
Now please don't shout why we wake up so late.

People reading this , feel free to join us sometime.
I guarantee you won't regret you time.
Much love.
Thank You.  

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

(Share) Ant and the Grasshopper story

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.


The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven & Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act'[POTAGA] , with effect from the beginning of the winter..

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.

Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.

CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley ,
100's of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere
in India ,


As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the
grasshoppers, India is still a developing country..! ! !

Moral of the Story :  GOD SAVE US !

Friday, April 26, 2013

(Share) Seven stages of outrage

Sidin Vadukut (Tongue-n-cheek) / 25 April 2013

There is a world beyond headlines and tweets

Stage 1: A mainstream media outlet —usually a TV channel but sometimes the web site of a newspaper, never the newspaper itself — reports some kind of criminality/corruption/inhumanity that has taken place somewhere in the country. Somewhere, but not anywhere. Take a map of India. Now draw a series of straight lines in the following order: Chennai to Bangalore, Bangalore to Mumbai, Mumbai to Delhi, Delhi to Hyderabad and then finally from Hyderabad back to Chennai. Usually nation-wide outrage is limited to incidents within this vulgar pentagon. There is a lot of India outside this. But few journalists.

Stage 2:Some news junkie somewhere picks up on this headline and tweets the living daylights out of it. The first wave of outrage is limited to blogposts and Facebook postings and such things. It is around this time that somebody makes a tasteless joke about the incident. (Everyone secretly admits that the joke is very funny.)

Stage 3:As the outraged blogposts and Facebook posts pick up, a second layer of outrage explodes as people want to know “Why mainstream media is not reporting about this and instead focussing on stupid things like cricket or Kareena Kapoor.” Meanwhile, somebody makes an online Flash game to highlight awareness of this social evil.

 Stage 4: The secondary outrage completely overshadows the first one. Some even suggest that media silence is a conspiracy. Perhaps the journalists have been bought out by evil nefarious powers. It is around this time that somebody will mention “Irom Sharmila”. You don’t know who Irom Sharmila is? You heartless brute. Rahul Bose has something to say at this point.

Stage 5: The media responds to these charges with the sensitivity of a passenger airplane full of schoolchildren crashing into a home for blind orphaned baby rabbits. The original outrageous incident is analysed to bits but from purely one angle: Who is responsible for this inhumanity? Thus begins the “Great Indian Outrage Trickle-down Cabaret”. Broadly this cabaret ends with fingers pointed at the following: government, police, inadequate parenting, British colonialism, deviation from the original Vedic path, cultural depravity, shameful media and, finally but most importantly, Sunny Leone.
The government immediately responds with two measures. The first is by raiding a nightclub or a farmhouse. Raiding a nightclub is the paracetamol of Indian politics. The second is by appointing the most emotionally tone-deaf public servant to convene a Press conference. This man will eventually say “These things happen yaar, chill out man.” By this stage the outrage is feeding upon itself like some sort of flesh-eating bacteria that can tweet.

 Stage 6: The outrage bubbles over into the real world. And by ‘real world’, I mean Delhi. But just at that exact moment when the public uprising is gaining critical mass someone asks: “Why does nobody care about XYZ that is happening in ABC since EFG? Where was media then?” Meanwhile in Delhi the government sends envoys to speak to the protestors in order to give the water-cannon operators enough time to suit up. Simultaneously the Internet clogs up with extremely erudite 15,000 word editorials on the issue that nobody reads but everybody tweets.

 Stage 7: Finally, just when true revolution seems around the corner, the cold, hard palm of democracy comes crashing down on the wet, perspiring cheeks of youthful rebellion. As they slink back to their homes and colleges, their ears ringing, the government announces a series of far-reaching reforms that will be tabled before the next session of parliament. The prime minister issues a mysterious Press release that refers to the government in the third person. There is broad national consensus that death sentence is the only answer to end this human brutality.

Bonus Stage 8:Parliament is adjourned for the forthcoming session due to unrest. “India is not a nation, but an egg-puff of karmic efflorescence that is heaving its bosoms,” Rahul Gandhi says at a CII conference. A new Starbucks opens in Chennai.

Sidin Vadukut is the foreign correspondent of Mint and editor of Mint Indulge

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

(Real) That Ideal Boyfriend

I am free at office these days because my project is almost completed and haven't got any new of them. There are a lot of things piled up to describe
to friends and world around. What refreshing than Blogspot ! Okay so here you go :

(1)"Chokro toh aavo hovo joiye !"
(2)"Tuje kaisa ladka pasand hai ?"
(3)"What kind of guy would you marry?"
are questions which a girl would definitely face atleast once in a lifetime.

And we all know how much complex today's relationships are. And i personally feel that pre-marriage time is the most difficult one because you need to take care of a lot of things and your partner too.
Most of the people are not able to handle things at this early stage (and it is natural) and so the definition of the word break up. I and my sir even had a long discussion once as in "Can new generation break-ups act as virtual divorce".

What this post serves : 

Once i and tirth , my roommate , were discussing as to what type of boy is considered ideal because we were sure that we were nowhere close to ideal guys ! Aapane chokri kon aapse ! A detailed description mentioned here. Girls , show this post to your boyfriends/husbands as it contains some really good points. Ask your guy to follow some possible points , if it does not hurt his ego. Improvement of just a little bit in your relationship would serve the purpose of this post.I agree that the points are generalized so it may not be feasible to follow all but i guarantee atleast 1 point would be relating to YOU for sure.

The ideal boyfriend : 

(1)Lets take the general factors first as in the guy should have a sense of personality (i am not talking style here) , a sense of humour , comic timmings , proper attitude , masculine looks and a serious yet jolly nature. You'll have to pick out the definition of serious yet jolly nature from the points below

(2)Having good friends around you who fun you up in public but appreciates you infront of your girl , is always impressive.

(3)Confess the things infront of your girl even if they can hurt her. The hurting would be momentary but the trust would be everlasting.Pass a confectionery statement at last to convince her to not stay angry for a long time !

(4)Explain the logic behind what a boy wants from his girl. Explain you are also a boy with all those demands but keeping a control just to win her trust.

(5)Dream together . Open eyes . Period !

(6)After reaching a mature stage of your relationship , do call her at random times (afternoon , late night) to talk all like you've just started. Those line-maaro-item-patao days !

(7)Make some planning sort of agreements that 2 weekends in a month is your girls choice while 2 weekends are of your choice (I mean how to spend the weekends). I guarantee 1 out of 4 plans would get cancelled due to her personal/family reasons , so dont get upset. Let go things from your side. This would create a respect from your girl because girls silently maintain a log of cancelled events. She would realize this cancellations for sure.

(8)Be 'that' MACHO

(9)Whenever you guys are together in some group dress regular , but when it involves only you two , be her hrithik/salman. Pass a sugar at the end saying  "Darling sirf tere liye" (I agree i am bad at writing such statements) with a mild comic tone !

(10)Since you both are together from a long time(i hope that) , you must be knowing the things/situations when she gets all flat. Repeat the same things/situations at one or other point of time with different spices added. She would acknowledge this in a very good form for sure !

(11)All goods and no bads make jhonny a non-exciting boy . Fight over some serious issues if you guys need to and bring a permanent solution. Bring a harsh step to action if you need to.The predicted output would gain a respect for you from your girl. She would say to her friends in future that "Its all because he can
visualize more than me.".
Okay don't blush if this has happened to you. Thats so feminine. Remember MACHO !

(12)Once in a while , take her to random outings in a particular time limits. Plan a random 1 day picnic with her.

(13)Always remember to celebrate her birthday in the most off beat style as possible. It would be just 3-4 years you've celebrated her birthday , but you have already won her by 30-40 years with these off beat celebrations.

(14)Take her to your relatives as much as possible.It would serve the dual purpose of dearness for her and restaurant money saving for you !

(15)Request her to pay the bills sometimes ! Don't worry , she'll do as you say !

(16)Always be the first one to take decisions and undertake the responsiblity.Let her understand that you are that serious that you take no chances  in events which are decisive for your thing !

(17)Have a sexy physique !

(18)Apart from appreciating her infront of your friends , even show some public love. Thats a spice. Everyone loves Tikha these days !

(19)At particular intervals , make her realize that other girls still maaro-line on you but you dont pay any heed to them NOW !

(20)Be Ambitious

(21)There would be a natural understanding bond between you guys when you be the slave and she , the master at home and 'master & slave' , vice versa !

(22)As far as getting intimate is concerned , follow your boths heart. Its not a big deal for some while its a universe-cracking for some. The person who is resisting should have a logical throw as to why he/she is resisting and the person who wants should throw as to why he/she wants it at that point of time.

(23)Do the 'Cool' things less if it does not hurt your lungs and liver !Only a zombie would like it !

(24)Be a good cook. There is nothing like the treatment you get , after the lunch which you prepared for her.

(25)Have some hardcore bedtime actions.It is important , either one of you is more expressive there !

(26)Make her enjoy the things which you used to do during your undergrad time ! Each and every guy has some college time special likings and things which make them happy .

(27)Behave in a good way in all the events where men are ought to get angry.Your this temperament would make her a fan of yours.

(28)Always like her choices. Remember you are one of them . Be careful on this point.

(29)After a particular phase , you are 110% sure whether you can handle her or no. Find a solution , don't stretch it more than enough.

(30)Make her understand in advance how much tired you get sometimes and what behaviour you expect at that time.Such situations are mother of all problems.

(31)Cycle together

(32)Surprise getaways are always preferred by girls. One of my personal favourites is to plan a holiday or a weekend in advance and tell her each and every detail regarding it. And at the last moment change the plan to your originally decided secret place.Imagine going to paris instead of a goa trip !

(33)Be a good listener atleast infront of her.

(34)I am repeating this point that let her spend your money as much as she wants. This materialistic happiness doesn't last long in girls.May be max 35. But then 35 to 70 would be a bliss for you.

(35)However the tiger/lion you be infront of your friends, your office mates , your circle , make a habit to let her be the lioness at home.You would be able to get good returns I bet.

(36)Make sure to drop her at her place (under that neem tree) whenever you guys are together and however far she stays.She definitely would plan something each time you drop her next !

(37)Stay close in contact with her brother and her mom.Let the father stay as far as possible.This is a general one.All modern day boys are masters in such things.

(38)One good point to focus is the time to ask her parents.Don't don't don't do it early.Understand how much you earn , make her understand how much she spends  & looking onto basic stuff , decide accordingly.I seriously cannot believe a guy getting engaged or getting rejected by parents when he just earns 25-30k and does not have any shed under him ! Such illogical creatures.

(39)I know this would hurt your machoism , but some of the girls still love THAT sharukh khan moving to a mandir to have a secret prayer for his future partner ! So be that SRK atleast once a season.

(40)Pass those cheesy pick up lines which you might be trying at clubs and beaches , to your girl/wife every saturday evening.

(41)Small points covered on a whole : Trust her , don't judge her , make her smile , listen to those "only-you-can-solve" problems , no overly protective etc etc

(42)Always mention her whenever you are giving a farewell speech or a welcome speech or special purpose events speech. Respect is what she gains and love is what you gain.

(43)It is initially difficult to cope with the behaviour of the girl if you are having an arranged marriage.Try to cooperate with her.Mail her , text her & whatsapp her the things you want to improve and the things which you love the most.Write at the end of the mail that you feel a bit shy so what better thing than texting.

(44)Try to be with her during once-in-a-lifetime events. For example , during her convocation,during a skydiving session (because she won't do it nexttime for sure !) , during her little brother/sister engagement etc.I hope you get the matching line of events in your mind now as i am not able to recollect more of them.

(45)It is okay to get a good cleanup/massage from your girl/wife once a time. Make sure you return the favour in a good way.

(46)Make remarkable events count : For eg : When a hot ass girl is passing by your side , don't even look at her even though the whole crowd is onto her. Instead talk with your girlfriend at that moment. You definitely know what the results would be ! Fun !

(47)This social media can sometimes ponder in serious issues. Define your likes/dislikes/preferences to her and both of you follow the same thing. Don't ask her to carry out things which are difficult even for you to execute !

(48)Plan various activities for your relationship.Celebrate a "All-yes" day for her , celebrate a once a month afternoon hideout , a lunch/dinner prepared for her ,  an item dance for her (Yes,do that) , swimming sessions for just 2 of you etc ! Develop and play a common sport and play it like opposite beasts ! Such things are a booster.

(49)I know you have that Angry young attitude and you sometimes shout on her , but know how to perfectly lift her mood.Even after a fight , there is no harm  in bending down first even if you and she knows the actual culprit.

(50)Whenever you feel , you are saturated and have nothing new , do a start-up together . Remember , time used to fly when you completed each other's assignments and swapped the glass copies of engineering graphic sheets ! Haa !

Thursday, March 7, 2013

(Real) "The girl I want"

(1) "Tane kevi chokri game ?" 
(2) "Tuje kaisi ladki pasand hai ?" & 
(3) "What kind of a girl do you want ?" 
are really difficult questions .

The nature of the question is such that you cannot answer it on the spot. Even if you answer , it consists of only 10% what you wanted to say.

I wanted to write this from a long time as it could serve a little help to many modern-day couples and their problems. People go through crushes , relationships , successfull relationships , breakups and arranged marriage (love marriage is already covered by successfull  relationships !).

The point is , in each of the above mentioned phase of life , the most important thing is to blend with your partner.

If you look up to life uptill now , you would notice a simple fact that anything which is not working the way you want to , has to be dealt with more concentration and hard work. So why not apply this formula towards real-time problems too !

What this post serves : 

Me and my friends many times discuss as to what kind of a girl , a boy likes . This differes from place-to-place , heart , bring-up , mind-set , family background etc. But i feel that this post would generalize the needs of a middle , upper-middle , somewhat gujju , ambivert kind of guy and his expectations for the girl. Please note that this is a amalgamation of many feelings and expectations and so please do not consider it as my personal wants.

How this post would be helpful :

This cannot patch up your severely breaking relationship but on a positive note , i can say that if you ask your girl to read this (or some specific points in post) at any point of time , it would work as a strengthening aspect for your chakkar.

The girl I want :

(1)Since its the first point , lets make all general points clear . She should be nice hearted , nice natured , not too much skinny , shapy/pathho {pathho is a gujarati cute word somewhat obese girl}would do provided  she has the knowhow to carry herself well , preferably long hair (naturally straightened) , simple yet stylish and a pinch of colour in everything. Okay so definition of nice hearted and nice natured is hidden in   following points which you need to figure out.

(2)The one i personally like on a physical note is a girl with a uniform complexion (fair/wheaty doesn't matter) from her head to toe and who carries a bindi on her forehead matching/contrasting with her moderately body-fit kurti. (Yes i admit this went a little bit into clothing).

(3)That kathak typa girl with nice saari around her waist and amazing expressions is preferred by many of the boys. A typical example of this description is Pi's girlfriend in the movie "Life of Pi" , when Pi was in his teenage. Remember ? She was lovely.

(4)Girls , we love it when you gallop at gol gappas & paster at the pasteries , but as far as we know that you are having the knowledge of a perfect diet and  correct information regarding keeping your body healthy   and those cheeks , pink , its surely not a problem for us! Lets gallop together !

(5)Even though you know how tough we behave , how masculine our attitudes are and however rude we be at your feminine tips , do keep on telling those health , dressing , style tips to us. They would come handy    at some point of life and at that time we would call you and say how awesome you are !

(6)Its always friendship first and love later on. So girls please please please develop a habit of talking to your guy with a hand on his shoulder  whenever you are walking (just like when two guys walk that way) ! It would create wonders for you .

(7)Lets come to a very heavy yet usual point :
   (7.1)A guy would not prefer that her girl smokes & drinks.Try to be so if possible.I repeat if possible.
  (7.2)Drinks , parties are a way of life in this century.We cannot stop you or restrict you because we ourselves enjoy doing it. But try to be a teetotaler , your guy would love it i guarantee.
  (7.3)It would be fine if you want to have these things but do it only when you are around your husband/boyfriend. He would allow you to do it if thats between you and him only !
   (7.4)If you drink/smoke more than your husband/boyfriend , do not think negative of you.Party hard at times and get equally wasted at a night out.That is also a bonding activity but just take care of your health and the after-effects which usually are negative in most cases ! Mind well , you can equally get wasted in (7.3) too !
   (7.5)Puke together ! Fun !
   (7.6)A mannered party session with knowing-your-limits attitude is preferred by most boys.I hope this points gets a clear view.

(8)Even if you are in a board meeting , with parents , with brother , with narendra modi or barack O'clinton , please don't press that red button on your phone whenever your better half is calling you. Cut the call == rude. Answer it most of the time and if not possible , do some quick setting on your phone. I bet the sentence "I haven't seen a girl in my life who has not even neglected my single call in the whole year" would be like a blessing whenever you guys are in your bedroom on a lazy night.

(9)We know you dress up for looking pretty in your ownself but understand the event and dress up.A push up / low neck / slain / belly driven clothes at events like theatre / get together / concert / crowded place would embarass us and you too ! A smart move like wearing a white top with a black leather jacket would boost up that event like anything.

(10)Intelligent . Period !

(11)Girl , if you part yourself from the local herd and their likings , even your off-beat tastes can create a fan typa boyfriend.

(12)Love kids , hate them at times , love animals , dont hate them at times , love food and hate some varieties which we like. A little bit of contrast is good

(13)Have a great taste as far as food is concerned.We all know modern girls dont cook and even if they cook , they dont cook like 90s. So learn to cook and use those tasty tips & likes of you partner to guide your home-chef accordingly.Its almost equivalent to cooking !

(14)Leave the "Acha ladka tha" college attitude.It would sound cool amongst your group but a rather opposite attitude can earn respect .

(15)Creativity in all whether college , office , restaurant , chats , travelling , anything makes him like you more.

(16)If you are too much frustrated with him , discussion is not a way I know , so scream , yell , shout and hit him hard.Its a lot better activity than ploting reactions. Plotting/revenge feelings are relationship killers.

(17)Sharpen your aadmi-pehchaning skills. A guy would love it when you had passed on some predictions and it hits the correct point in future !

(18)Dance like crazy (so you can make him dance) orelse dont do it (so he'll make you dance). Know those mood swings in him since you are with him froma long time

(19)Another heavy but a usual one
   (19.1)I see a piece of code affecting lives of many these days ! The evil is a web termite called facebook.Value the risks and socialize !
    (19.2)Uploading,tagging,commenting,liking,friending,blocking,restricting affects both the lives in internet age.Be ultra sensible.
     (19.3)I do not see much in this point , because we all know the nuances of profile on facebook. We need you to be a pro at FBing !
     (19.4)Provide some tips to your guy which even he doesnt know about facebook.Hell you just beated you software professional boyfriend !

(20)Wildness at home , wildness on a no-man road , wildness on holidays , complete wildness in bedroom is so preferred. The dual personality is always appreciable . A lap dance in a while would make him crazy. Spice up his life !

(21)Stay away from those types of hyped people , hyped friends and dont get into a fame & likes based vicious circle ! It would be tough but fruitful.

(22)Always drive the car and always do that. It can be a ek-teer-do-nishaan. He would appreciate you for your good driving skills unlike other ladies plus the care she takes for your comfort. Do drive when his friends/family is on. That creates an altogether positive set.

(23)Surprise him (take care of the mood swings in this case)

(24)Spend a hell lot of his money but be smart to pass sugar statement at the end so that he gives you his credit card for any transaction you want! I hope you understand what i am trying to say here !

(25)Get the top notch information about the industry , your husband/bf is working in and discuss it with him over dinner.

(26)Play those brainy and addictive games in your common I-pad and show your highscore to him daily during bedtime ! You are awesome , if you make him an addict too !

(27)Know the trends of the industry , your husband/bf is working in and be mentally prepared to switch/jump to any place around the world if necessary. This is a really important point to be taken into consideration.This is a really really important point if you are still in the intial years of your relationship and you are about to get married.

(28)A daily/weekly/every fort-night change of hairstyle infront of your husband/bf is always preferred.

(29)Get into his office for recruitment event. Do some arrangements with HR to let you in a interview where he is a panel member. This would be fun event

(30)Jolly all the time

(31)Please do not have lots of make-up & cosmetics.Guys hate it when you put-on even some.

(32)Show smartness & concerns wherever applicable . For eg : Whenever there is a option to buy vegetables/fruits from a shop and a laari , do it from laari explaining the benefits to the laariwala and humanity to which your boyfriend would give you a beautiful smile.

(33)Guys still love nerdy yet beautiful girls.

(34)Pass on a shayari once in a while to your better half !

(35)Save some or earn good to gift him some holidays.It should not always be the other way round.

(36)Wear those large earings sometimes.

(37)Go spend on those cleansing & exfoliating sessions. Boys love THAT after glow.

(38)We always adore you in indian outfits however sexy you look in western clothes

(39)A NO after 10 YES is acceptable.We'll plan our demands and wishes accordingly.

(40)Mature . Period !

(41)Don't hide anything from your partner.However terrible it is/was , discuss !

(42)Know the different mood lifters very well

(43)A random sardar joke during dinner.Small habits like this makes a long term cheerful image in you boyfriend's heart.

(44)Be a movie and song and youtube enthusiast.It would be a pleasure to get updates from our partner herself .

(45)Give his hard earned money to all possible beggars even if he shouts.Shout is momentary but. . . you know the thing.

(46)Be greedy at points which involve your husband/boyfriend's safety but is profitable/entertaining.

(47)If you share a common hobby/sport , develop/play it together.There can be nothing like this.

(48)Use all different nuances/dialects/styles of speech while fun talk with your spouse.

(49)Find ways to spice the relations in one way or the other. This is a important thing on a whole


So redirect your crush/girlfriend/wife to this link so that it can help/boost your thingy.

P.S - Let me know your wants if they are different from above , so that the list goes wild.   

You can even post as comments.

Happy loving :)